I Want One!
by Mallobaude
Summary: The arrival at Argus was supposed to bring peace and safety. No one realized that it would bring about the most dangerous foe any of the teens had ever encountered. Maternal instinct. With their ovaries on fire and biological clocks ticking, Weiss and Yang were determined to complete their place in the circle of life. Cover art by Exvnir.
1. Chapter 1

The cold and snow of Argus reminded her of home. Only here... it didn't feel so cold. Not when she was surrounded by her friends. Her family.

Her true family.

Sitting on the floor of Saphron Arc's home, Weiss felt whole again. After the crisis on the train, after the hardship they had suffered at Brunswick Farms, she and her teammates had finally reunited with their friends. Everyone had come out of it alive. Everyone had been challenged in their desire to keep moving forward. In the end they had all come out stronger. They knew what was at risk, and what they had to protect.

Family.

Pale blue eyes once more regarded the tiny form of Adrian Cotta-Arc. The adorable little toddler made for a fierce rival to even Zwei in cuteness. Not since first meeting that dog at Beacon had Weiss felt her heart flutter in such a way. She wanted nothing more than to hold the child. To love him. To nurture him. To protect him from all the evils in the world.

It was a new feeling for the Ice Queen. Something stirred inside that frozen heart of hers in the moment she saw Adrian pouting at Jaune's accusation of him being the 'baby'. It was a natural desire. An instinct. Something deep inside her that craved taking care of a baby.

Her baby.

Unlike her own parents, Weiss would be the ideal mother. She would be attentive both physically and emotionally. She would not waste away in the garden under the influence of drink. She would not lock herself in her office, consumed by work all day. She would have children out of love, and not the cold, pragmatic desire to produce an heir. No, Weiss Schnee would be the most wonderful mother the world had ever known.

Her eyes shifted to the first of the men in the room. Ren was a capable and intelligent man. However, he was off limits due to his relationship with Nora. Weiss would never betray her friend in such a manner. Even if she was willing to, Nora would not give her boyfriend up without a fight. And that girl was as fierce as they came with her hammer...

Next came Oscar, but she was almost immediately put off by the idea. If him being four years younger than her wasn't enough, the fact that his mind was also shared by the late Professor Ozpin was more than enough reason cross him off the list of eligible bachelors.

Which came to the final candidate in the room. An all too familiar blond boy who had once courted her. Back then she had spurned his advances. Now however...

...

The doorman bowed his head slightly before opening the door to Schnee Manor. Her coat and purse were quickly taken for her to be placed on the rack next to the mansion's main entrance. The clicking sound of heels on marble tile filled her ears as she moved through her home, the sounds of her footsteps becoming more and more faint as the sounds of laughter and play became louder.

Weiss' lips drew into a tight smile as she neared the parlor.

Peeking around the corner, she saw a familiar sight that warmed her heart. It took a few seconds, put two sets of eyes finally saw her.

"Mother!" the pair of voices shouted.

Her two children, her precious snow angels, came running at her with arms spread wide. Weiss knelt down the little she needed to in order to envelop them both in tight hugs, her face burying itself in their perfect snow-white hair as she kissed each atop the head.

"Eira, Albricht," she said lovingly. "I missed you both so much."

An aging Klein came into the room as she handed her a glass of brandy. A second glass was given to her darling husband, who was next to greet her.

"Welcome home, honey," Jaune smiled as it was now his turn to bend down in order to kiss her. "Busy day?"

"Oh, you know how it is," she sighed as she allowed him to lead her over to the sofa. Eira and Albricht followed, finding their places once more on the expensive Mistrali rug and resumed playing with their toys. "There's never a dull moment when you're the CEO of the Schnee Dust Company."

"You really should take a vacation," he urged her. There was concern in those loving blue eyes of his. Eyes which had loved her since the first time they met back at Beacon Academy. "You've earned it after single-handedly reforming your family's company and championing faunus rights in the working sector."

She smiled modestly at her wealth of achievements in such a short span of time since she took power back from her father, who had since been imprisoned with charges of corruption and illegal business dealings. "Well, it just so happens that I did decide to take this Friday off of work..."

An excited gasp filled the room. "You mean the day of my piano recital?" Eira asked.

"That's right. I decided to give everyone in the company a paid day off this Friday because I didn't want to risk missing a second of your performance."

"What about my fencing tournament?" Albricht hurried asked.

Weiss nodded. "Of course. It may still be a month away, but I've made preparations well in advance to take time off for that as well. There will never be anything more important in my life than my children. Not my company. Not being a huntress. Nothing."

Both children got up from the floor and jumped up to the couch to once more squeeze their mother tightly.

Her husband, her children, this life... it truly was bliss.

* * *

It felt as if Yang had been smiling ever since she arrived in Argus. After all she and everyone else had been through, she needed this.

Meeting Jaune's sister here had been a surprise, but perhaps what had been more surprising was to see how the two of them interacted. It reminded her of Ruby and herself.

Saphron's teasing of Jaune was just the kind of thing she loved to do to her own 'baby sister'. After all, much like he was her baby brother, Ruby would always be Yang's own baby sister. It didn't end there. Grabbing his cheeks. Teasing him about wanting to follow after her footsteps. It was incredible, like looking in a mirror. They were both so alike in both looks and personality. The only difference was that one had a child.

Yang's attention shifted to Adrian. After playing with him, she was reminded of how Ruby had been at his age. She had done her fair share of helping to raise Ruby into the young woman that she was. As far as she was concerned she would make a great mother one day.

One day.

Playing with the precious child had lit a flame in the girl's heart. Normally it was only her hair which burned. But now... now her ovaries were ablaze as well.

The question was, who was available? Certainly not Ren for obvious reasons. Oscar had an ancient an untrustworthy wizard living inside of his head, and that was a definite turnoff. So that left...

Her gaze turned to Jaune, who was still fighting off his sister's offending hands. A soft smile graced her lips, seeing how well they got along. She already knew the boy well. He was safe. He was a friend. He was already an uncle. How would he be as a father?

And did he still harbor any feelings for her teammate?

Yang glanced over to Weiss, who appeared to be staring at Jaune herself. A stupid smile was plastered on her face, while her glassy eyes were seemingly lost in thought.

It had been a while since Beacon. She wondered where Jaune's heart was now. After all, her own father had loved and lost before, only to find solace in the arms of another. She wondered if... maybe she could be the one to bring him happiness...

...

After another successful mission, it was time to return home. And that meant coming back in style.

Opening the side door of the Bullhead, Yang checked her gear one more time. Beside her Jaune did the same. Satisfied that they were set, she turned to her husband. "Ready to go?"

The man nodded, flashing a toothy grin as he gave a thumbs up. "Ladies first!" he shouted over the harsh wind that whipped through the open cargo bay of the ship.

Yang rolled her eyes at his attempt at chivalry. "Sounds good!" she yelled back before pushing Jaune out the door.

The initial scream faded quickly, and Yang jumped out a few seconds after. The air bit at her face as she freefell through the sky, Jaune just a little bit below her. This was the life. Going on missions with the man she loved. Skydiving from their ride home. She couldn't want to get home and see their loving child.

They deployed their parachutes soon enough, gliding the rest of the way down to their secluded cabin home. Much like her father, Yang wanted a life away from all the adventure and excitement that work brought her. Separating that from a peaceful domestic life was the perfect balance that she needed.

Discarding their gear, the two blondes stepped inside their home, and to a sight which Yang would never get tired of.

"Mom, dad!" Summer yelled as she ran toward them. The small blonde girl jumped up to be caught in Yang's arms, who pulled her into a tight embrace.

"What's up, Sum!" She held her there for long moments, taking in the perfection of the moment. Of coming home to her darling daughter, just as she always did.

Yang would never put her own daughter through the heartache that her own mothers had. She learned what not to do through Raven's selfishness. Through Summer's unfortunate death while out on her own mission. It was why she never went alone. Jaune was always there by her side. He would always have her back, just as she would always have his.

"Where's your aunt?" Yang continued, once she had set her daughter back down.

"Oh, Aunt Ruby needed to go out and buy some stuff for maintenance on Crescent Rose. She said she trusted me enough to be home alone for an hour."

"Did she now..." she smirked. Her dear younger sister was going to get quite the talking to once she got back home.

"Yup! I'm a big girl now!"

Yang couldn't help but smile. Yes, Summer was indeed becoming a big girl now. Perhaps big enough to be up to the new responsibility which would soon be in their laps.

"Well guess what?" she said as she took her daughter by the hand, leading her over to the couch. "I have a surprise for you."

Summer plopped down next to her mother, blue eyes looking up at her. "What is it?"

"Well..." Yang's attention shifted over to Jaune, who smiled warmly at her. "You're going to have a baby brother or sister soon. In around eight months."

"A baby brother or sister!" Summer shouted. "I can't wait! Can I have them now? Please!"

She and Jaune both laughed. "Sorry, sweetie. I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. But it's never too early to start thinking of names..."

Her daughter smiled, revealing a hole where one of her baby teeth had recently fallen out. "Yay! I'm gonna be the best big sister ever!"

Maybe. Yang knew that she still held a monopoly when it came to that title. But who knows. Maybe the daughter would indeed surpass the mother. That alone would be proof enough that she had done her job well.

She had emulated all she could from the woman who her daughter was named after. So far, everything in her life was perfect.

And that perfection was about to be doubled.

* * *

After a long and eventful day, it was good to be able to relax.

Jaune laid back in his bed, thinking back to the tumultuous past couple of days. Now after all the strife and worry, the members of Team RWBY were back safely. They had returned just as Ruby promised that they would. For that he was thankful. Now he would finally be able to sleep in peace.

At least, he would have until he heard the knock on his door.

"It's open," he called out.

It slowly opened to reveal a small and slim silhouette. As his eyes adjusted to the light streaming in through the opening, he saw that it was Weiss.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Oh," he said as he shuffled around in his bed a little bit to ensure that he was decent. "Yeah, sure."

She stepped inside, closing the door behind her. Jaune moved to turn on the small lamp at the bed's side. The soft glow illuminated the room, and her along with it.

"So what's up?" he asked.

Weiss' arms were pressed closely to her side, and one hand reached over to grab hold of her other forearm. Her head was cast downward as she spoke. "You know... I never did thank you properly for saving my life back at Haven."

His brow furrowed. That had been weeks ago. And besides, she had. "You already thanked me," he reminded her. "Besides, it's not something that even needs thanking. I'd do it for any of you in a heartbeat."

She took a step closer to him. "Properly," she repeated. Her face finally moved to look at him, revealing a pair of warm eyes and an even warmer smile. "Remember the time I called you tall, blond and scraggly?"

It took him a moment, but his mind did recall those words. "Yeah. The first day of Beacon, right?"

She nodded. "Yes. You've certainly grown. A _lot_." Her eyes moved up and down, as if she was studying him. "Mister tall, blond and... thick."

Thick was certainly one way to describe it. He had been working out a lot since the fall of Beacon. His muscles had gotten larger, and he had even grown a couple inches.

"I wonder what else is thick?"

Those words caused Jaune's head to shoot up and regard the girl who was now standing at the foot of his bed. "Weiss?"

"I know you wanted to see that Spruce Willis movie with me," she continued as she once more brought up ancient history between the two. Jaune was honestly surprised that she remembered that incident. "I saw that there's a theater here in Argus. Would you like to see Tryst in the Mist together? It sounds... romantic. It'll really set the mood."

Romantic? Set the mood? Jaune sat up, his mind on edge now regarding how odd Weiss was acting. "Are you... feeling okay, Weiss?"

"Yes, but I could certainly feel much, _much_ better..." she trailed off as she placed her hands on top of his bed. She pushed forward, and her knees followed shortly afterward. "And I know just how to do it."

Jaune was sitting up completely straight now, backing up inch by inch as Weiss approached him. Soon enough his back was against the wall, and he was out of room. "H-how?" he asked nervously.

Her eyes never left his as she reached him, her legs trapping him in place as she straddled his hips. "I want to feel you inside me again. I want you to fill me with your warm white stuff."

His breaths were coming out in ragged gasps now as he felt the weight of the girl pressing down on his pelvis. He couldn't bring himself to look away from the beautiful sapphires which graced her perfect face. "You mean my Aura, right?"

She shook her head softly. "No." Leaning in closer, Weiss brought her lips to his ear, brushing against it ever so slightly and sending a shiver down his spine. "Jaune. I want to carry your child."

His body jerked slightly, unable to keep from reacting to the provocative words. As Weiss pulled back, he gazed once more into those sparkling gemstones which looked down lovingly at him. "W-what?"

"I want a baby, Jaune," she told him. "Your baby." Her hand drifted down to the covers where her legs met his hips. "All I need is a little help from you."

There was a part of him, a very large part, which wanted nothing more than to let this go on. And yet he couldn't. Something wasn't right about any of this. His own hand reached out and snatched hers before it could potentially change his mind.

"What are you doing?" he asked her. "What's gotten into you?"

Icy eyes hardened as they glared down at him. "What are you talking about? Don't lie, this is something you've always wanted. You've desired me and my attention ever since Beacon. Now is your opportunity to make your dream a reality." She bent down once more, bringing her lips close to his. "Make me yours, Jaune," she whispered.

Those words nearly broke him. She was but an inch away from kissing him. And yet... he couldn't. There was something wrong here.

Throwing the covers, along with the Schnee girl off of him, Jaune leapt out of bed and toward the door. Thankfully Weiss had fallen off the side of his bed from the sheer force of his shove, allowing him to reach the exit unimpeded.

As he dashed out of his room, he heard the angry screams of Weiss from behind him. "Get back here and put a baby in me!"

Had she lost her mind? Had something horrible happened at Brunswick Farms to make her this way? He had to talk to someone. To Ruby. He had to find Ruby.

His heart pounded in his chest as he raced for the room he believed Ruby and Yang to be staying in. She would know if something was wrong with her partner. She would know all the details about The Apathy and how they affected people. Maybe there were other types of Grimm which affected emotions. Ones which affected lust, for example...

Grabbing the handle, Jaune pushed the door open and slammed it shut behind him, lest the angry former heiress catch up to him. He had expected to find two girls in this new room, but to his surprise, there was only one.

And not the one he was looking for.

"Jaune?" Yang gasped.

The blonde girl was sitting down on her bed in her sleeping attire. He hadn't meant to disturb her if she was going to sleep, but right now he couldn't go back out there. Not alone.

"Sorry, Yang," he said. "I didn't mean to bother you."

"I- I wasn't expecting you this soon," she said hurriedly, running her hands through her hair trying to straighten it. "Hi, hello. How're doing tonight?"

How was he doing? He was freaked out! Weiss Schnee wanted his babies!

"I'm, uh... hey is Ruby around?"

"Ruby..." she said softly, before quickly shaking her head. "Nope. It's just me. Actually, your timing couldn't have been more perfect."

So she wasn't upset? That was good. Maybe he could tell her about Weiss. "Yang, I have to tell you something. I know you probably won't believe me, but you have to try. Okay?"

The blonde girl stood up and took a few steps toward him. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she did her best to try to calm him down. "Just talk to me, Jaune," she said gently. "I'm here for you."

He took a deep breath. This was good. He had to remind himself that despite her goofy and joking behavior, Yang was also a responsible and serious young woman. She would be just as good at Ruby in a time like this.

Not knowing how much time he had before Weiss came knocking, he explained the situation as best he could to the girl. Lilac eyes narrowed upon hearing how Weiss wanted his children. She seemed angry, though not at him.

When he had finished, Yang pulled him into a warm embrace. She ran a hand through his hair lovingly as she leaned up to whisper into his ear. "There, there," she said soothingly. "It's okay now. I'll protect you from the mean Ice Queen."

Oddly enough he did feel safe in her arms. Maybe it had to do with the fact that one of them had a weapon built into it.

"After all, I do owe you for looking after Ruby all those months you were on the road," she continued. "All those long... hard months."

Jaune smiled, running a hand through his hair. "No need to thank me. We're friends. We were a team. We all looked after each other on the road to Mistral."

"Yup. A nice, responsible family man."

Sure, Team RNJR did feel like a family to him. "Yeah. Something like that."

"So, random question. I was just wondering, what's the thing you find most attractive in a girl? Most guys think it's the boobs."

His eyes widened. Yang was brazen, but she was never _this_ bad. Still, she seemed genuinely serious with her question. "Uh... yeah. Most guys do think that," he agreed.

"Big boobs are a sign of high fertility. That's why guys are instinctually attracted to them." She shrugged lightly. "At least that's what the theory is."

Jaune nodded, still feeling uncomfortable with the direction this conversation had taken. "Oh. I didn't know that."

"Mmhmm. So... I'm just wondering..." She smiled like a predator which had sighted its prey. "What do you think of mine?"

Alarms rang in Jaune's mind. Surely Yang was messing with him. Right? "Is this a trick?"

Yang's tongue poked out and licked her lips. "No tricks. Just treats."

A hand reached up to rub the back of his neck. "They're, uh..." He couldn't even look the girl in the eyes as he spoke. He couldn't look at her period. "Nice?"

"Yeah they are," she agreed. A little too happily. "You wanna test that theory out?"

Theory? Was she talking about the fertility one?

Before he could even voice his question, all such thoughts were chased from his mind when the powerful grip of her bionic hand took his arm and threw him over onto her bed. He crashed unceremoniously atop it, Yang following shortly after. She climbed atop him, getting a perfect view of her cleavage from down the top of her tank top.

"I've heard that Argus is pretty touristy," she breathed lustily. "You wanna go shopping with me? There's a sale in my room tonight, and clothes are one hundred percent off."

"Yang! What's going on!"

"I want a little Arc in me," she explained. "But first I need you to put a big Arc in me. Get it?" she added with a sultry wink.

Oh he got it. First Weiss, and now Yang?

"Forget about Weiss," she instructed him. She leaned down, pressing her chest against his. "Blondes have more fun. And seeing how there's two of us... double the fun."

Double the fun... yes, that was one way of putting it. At this very moment he was getting a double dose of soft, squishy goodness pushing down against his torso. All he had to do was lay back and...

Jaune shook his head wildly. Forget the Apathy. Somewhere under his sister's home there was an infestation of the Horny! It was the only possible explanation!

He grabbed hold of the girl's shoulders and pushed her away. "Yang, I won't let you do something we'll both regret in the morning! I don't know what's going on, but you don't actually want to get pregnant!"

Lilac eyes flashed the color of blood, perhaps foreshadowing the violence which was about to take place.

He grabbed hold of Yang by the sides of her torso, and for a brief moment this seemed to placate the blonde girl as he flipped her over so that now she was on her back. What she hadn't expected was for him to bolt from his position atop her and make a hasty exit out the door.

"We're not finished yet!" he heard her yell after him.

As soon as he was back in the hallway he saw the telltale long white ponytail of the first girl. Jaune felt as though he was trapped in a horror movie, only rather than running into zombies, he was running into hormone-driven teenagers. Young women who had seemingly contracted baby fever.

The girl whirled around, blue eyes narrowing as they sighted him. "Arc!" Weiss shouted. "You owe me a baby!"

He quickly turned around to run the opposite direction, only to slam on the breaks as Yang exited the room. Caught between a Schnee and a Xiao Long, Jaune had nowhere left to run.

The pair of predators closed in from both sides, both eager to snatch their meal. Only when each latched on to one of his arms did the true confrontation begin.

"Hands off, Yang," Weiss growled. "I saw him first."

"No, you turned him down first," Yang countered. "You had your chance back at Beacon."

To his surprise, Weiss released one of her hands from his arm. To his further surprise, it went down to grab him below the belt. "You see this?" she snapped. "This is mine! This is where my babies come from! Come any closer and I will cut you!"

"Hey, don't squeeze the merchandise so hard! That's my baby maker!"

"Shut up, Yang! Jaune likes it when I touch him here! Isn't that right, Jaune?"

He didn't have a chance to protest before Yang continued. "He needs a real woman to bear his children." She looked the smaller girl up and down. "I don't think you're up to it."

"Oh please." The former heiress' grip on his arm tightened as she pulled him closer to her. "If there's one thing I have, it's the genes of greatness running through my veins. I would produce far better children than you ever could."

The blonde girl squeezed harder as well. "You wouldn't even know what to do with a man, little miss sexually repressed. And even if you did, you've got no hips. You probably couldn't even conceive a child with that boyish figure of yours."

Weiss breathed an animalistic snarl. "I'd rather have no hips than those monstrous thunder thighs of yours!"

"I'd rather have thunder thighs than those mosquito bites you call tits!"

"I'd rather have mosquito bites than a lifetime of back problems!"

"I'd rather have back problems than-"

"Would you two shut up already?" a third voice said. Peering over into the shadows, the stealthy form of Blake stepped forward and revealed herself.

Oh no. The last thing he needed was for a third female to have gone insane. Fear shot through Jaune's body. What if every girl under his sister's roof was affected?

"Blake, I don't know what's going on, but I think there's some sort of weird Grimm infestation going on! It's the Horny! The Horny's making everyone want to-"

"It's not Grimm," she interrupted. Blake sighed softly as she looked at the two girls who still clung to his arms. "These two idiots just saw your nephew and want babies of their own now."

"Precisely," Weiss agreed. She pulled on his arm in an attempt to make him follow her. "That's why Jaune will be coming with me tonight!"

"No! He'll be spending the night with me!" Yang argued, pulling him in the opposite direction.

"Only one of us is going to get what we want, and I was first!"

"You're both stupid," Blake chimed in again. "This isn't an either-or choice where only one of you can get pregnant. Boys aren't like girls who can only procreate once every nine months. If he really wanted to he could knock both of you up in the same night."

With those seemingly magical words, the pressure on both of his arms lessened. The grips of the girls on him released, and the two stared past him, looking into each other's eyes. In that moment a silent arrangement was seemingly made, as both Weiss and Yang nodded to each other.

Jaune looked back and forth between them, the slow realization of what they had agreed to dawning on him.

The fact that Blake was not trying to get into his pants spoke volumes as well. His two friends hadn't lost their minds. They weren't under the control of some weird and freaky species of Grimm. They had just seen Adrian and decided that they wanted families of their own.

And in the end, was that really such a bad thing? What was the point of saving the world if there was no one in it to love? No one to live in it?

* * *

Jaune laid his head back against the pillow. No amount of Aura amplification would be able to hasten his recovery. He was spent. He couldn't move. He didn't particularly want to move either.

To his left a head of white hair rested against his chest. To his right a thick mane of blonde hair did the same. Both his arms wrapped around their backs, holding them tightly against him. Like him, they were equally exhausted.

A satisfied smile rested on his lips as he stared up at the ceiling. They had both wanted this. Who was he to deny them and himself a good time when they were all consenting adults? He was only human, after all. He was only a man who had been approached by two of the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes upon.

He was already a good uncle. He was a good older brother. He had little doubt that he would be a good father as well. Weiss and Yang would be good mothers. And if they needed a little help, well, they had a whole big extended family who had plenty of love to spare.

In the end it would be love, and not hate, which would defeat Salem. That love started tonight.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This ridiculous and stupid idea has been brought to you by... just me this time. There's no one to blame but myself. Or if you want to, blame episode 7 and those eyes that Weiss and Yang made when they were staring at Adrian.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed another little piece of crack comedy. Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Jaune woke the next morning with the happiest and most satisfied grin of his life. And how could he not? With a girl in each arm, after doing what he had done the previous night, he was living the dream. He yawned, his hands and arms squeezing down gently on the two warm bodies curled up next to him and pulling them closer to him. It was a feeling he never wanted to end. A place in time he wanted to freeze and enjoy forever.

He wondered how things would go now that they were out of the heat of the moment. Would there be regret? Would there be retribution from either of them or their family members? Jaune had never met any of the Schnee family, but with their power and connections there could he consequences for getting the former heiress pregnant.

And then there was Yang. Those threats lay much closer to home. Not only was Ruby present in this very house, but their uncle Qrow was as well. While he was certain Ruby wouldn't kill him over knocking up her older sister, Qrow was a different story. A brooding and unpredictable drunk with the motive, means and opportunity to kill him was a nightmare to think about. All the more reason he wanted to stay in this living dream forever.

The dream was abruptly and rudely shattered when the door to his room opened. "Hey, Jaune. Have you seen- gyaaah!"

Red and black filled his vision, and none other than Ruby Rose stood a couple steps in the room. She was quick to cover her eyes and look away, and in less than a second she produced the compacted rifle form of Crescent Rose. It was pointed at the three of them, and he hoped it was only because of her obscured vision that this was the case.

"Ruby!" Jaune cried out, bolting upright and disturbing the two sleeping girls at his side. "What the - what's going on!"

"Where are they?" she demanded, waving her large weapon back and forth clumsily as she continued to keep her eyes covered. "Where are The Horny?"

"Those aren't real Grimm!" he cried. "There's no such thing as The Horny!"

The girl on his left sat up as well, pulling the covers up with her to conceal her chest. "Ruby! What in the world are you doing?" Weiss snapped.

"What am I doing? What am _I_ doing?" the redhead retorted. "I'm not the one naked in bed with Jaune and my sister!"

"I would hope not," Yang said nonchalantly. "I love you and all, but that'd be pretty weird."

Jaune looked over to see how Yang had sat up as well, only she was far less modest when it came to covering herself up. He couldn't help but stare for a few seconds at the perfection that was her bust. He would never get tired of seeing her assets. He selfishly hoped that this would not be the last time.

However, the gun pointed in his general direction prevented him from lingering too long on the young women at his side. Apparently he wasn't the only one who shared this sentiment.

"Put your gun away," her partner commanded. "You're liable to get us all killed with the way you're shaking."

Sure enough Ruby's arms were indeed shaking. The soft rattling of Crescent Rose's moving parts rattled with her, giving off an unnerving sound to an already tense situation.

"Tell Yang to put her... guns away too then!"

Another glance at Yang saw the blonde girl smirk. "Hey, these things aren't dangerous... except maybe from suffocation." She playfully elbowed Jaune in the side, giving him a knowing wink. "Right, Jaune?"

His face grew warm as he thought about the memory of being smothered by Yang's breasts. Truly it had been one of the greatest, if not the greatest experience of his life. Had he died of suffocation while face-deep in them, he would have died a happy man.

"I don't need to hear about this!" Ruby screamed.

"Regardless, put that thing down," Weiss repeated. "You're going to put all five of us in danger."

Crescent Rose leaned down to the side, and Ruby's head mimicked the action as it too tilted in confusion. "Five?" She counted on her fingers before looking back up at the trio in the bed. "But there are only four of us in this room."

"Yang and I are both with child," the ex-heiress explained.

Ruby's weapon fell to the floor with a loud clang. Whether it was by pure luck, or maybe the safety was on, it hadn't fired. At least that hadn't gone wrong.

Silver eyes went wide as she stared back and forth between her partner and sister. "W-what? How! Why!"

"What do you mean, how? Do you not know how babies are made?"

The girl had always been innocent, and she was two years younger than them, but Jaune never would have imagined that Ruby would be _this_ innocent. Surely that couldn't be the case, right?

"I knew I should have given you 'the talk' back before we left for Beacon," Yang said.

Ruby's hands balled into tiny fists as her shocked expression turned to anger. "I know how babies are made!" she squawked. "But... but..." she stuttered, pointing collectively at the three of them. "Why!"

"Yang and I saw how absolutely adorable little Adrian is," Weiss explained. Her gaze then turned to Jaune, looking lovingly into his eyes. "And decided that we wanted children of our own."

"Mmhmm," Yang agreed. She rested her head against Jaune's shoulder. "And unlike Raven, I'm gonna be the best mom ever."

"Excuse me? I do believe _I'm_ going to be the best mother ever."

Jaune sensed the growing tension between the two girls and did his best to calm them down. The last thing he needed was for two trained warriors to try and maim each other with him in between them. Naked in between them. He had gotten to use his second sword for the first time the previous night. He didn't want it to be the last.

"Hey, you're both going to be great," he told them both reassuringly. "No need for competition. It can be one big happy family."

Those words seemed to placate both. He knew that both Weiss and Yang had rather tumultuous experiences growing up with members of their respective families. Yang's birth mother had abandoned her. Weiss' father and mother were abusive and neglectful respectively. It only made sense that both girls would want to be the very best mothers they could possibly be. There was no reason they both could not achieve that.

The little spat had momentarily made him forget about the third girl in the room. The only one who still wore clothes.

Ruby stared at them with a look of incredulity on her face. "That's it?" she asked. She did not sound impressed. "That's the reason? That's all it took for this to happen? You saw Adrian, and that made you want kids?"

Yang shrugged. Jaune looked away embarrassedly. Only Weiss had the courage to speak. "Perhaps one day you'll understand."

"Understand?" Ruby questioned. "This is ridiculous! This is stupid! This whole thing is stupid!"

"Eh, who cares?" Yang waved dismissively. "We all had fun."

A sense of pride filled Jaune. Yes, _they_ had fun. Not just him. He had been able to satisfy them both. Who said that having a massive Aura reserve would only be useful for battle?

Ruby seemed to almost be shaking with rage. Reaching down to pick her fallen weapon up, she turned back to the door. "Well good for you," she snarled. "You'd better hope your stupid pregnancies don't get in the way of taking down Salem!"

With that she stomped back out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her. The three teens remained still a few moments afterward, listening to the soft ranting of Ruby grow more and more distant.

Once silence settled over the room, the girl on his right began to shuffle. Yang threw the covers off of herself, once more exposing all of her amazing figure for Jaune to see.

"It really was fun," she said as she began to collect her clothes from the floor. "But I think we should get up now. Maybe try to act like things are normal. And do any damage control if we need to."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Sounds like a plan. I'm hungry too."

To his left Weiss mimicked the action, and Jaune was fortunate enough to once more glimpse her petite, but no less beautiful body. "Agreed. We should all go out for breakfast. I believe we passed by a quaint little diner on the way here."

Argus was not lacking when it came to cuisine and entertainment establishments. A nice breakfast sounded like a wonderful idea. It would be important to regain his energy after last night.

Once Yang had finished dressing herself, she leaned down, grabbing Jaune by the face and planting a kiss on his lips. "See ya later, hot stuff," she added with a wink before sauntering off.

The goofy expression it left Jaune with was quickly wiped away when he heard Weiss clear her throat. Turning back toward her, he saw how she looked down on him with folded arms.

She leaned in as well to place a softer kiss on his cheek. When she pulled back her face was tinted red with embarrassment. A far cry from the domineering and assertive girl she had been the night before when she had demanded he put a baby in her.

"Perhaps I was mistaken not giving you a chance earlier," she admitted. A hand came up to sit on her stomach. "I shall have to rectify that."

Without another word she took turned and walked out of the room.

Jaune laid back against his pillow. He really should get up too and prepare to go out to whatever restaurant struck Yang and Weiss' fancy. But for now, he just wanted to lay here and enjoy the moment. To bask in the memories from last night.

After all, in this line of work there was never a guarantee he would live to see another night like that.

* * *

"Pay attention, child!"

Ruby rubbed the top of her skull, it just being on the receiving end of a stern whack from Maria's cane. The elderly woman did not mince words. As it turned out, she most certainly did not mince actions either.

How could she pay attention though? After walking in on what she had this morning, how could she ever forget that sight? Her sister, her partner, and her friend all naked in bed together? After a night of... of who knows what! Ruby very well knew what had occurred that night, especially with the revelation that both girls had done it in order to get pregnant.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "It's just..."

"What? It's like you don't even want to learn more about your silver eyes," Maria said accusingly. "Honestly the fact that you sat in a house with that Ozpin fellow for a whole month and it never came up makes me question your desire to ever use them of your own free will."

Maria brought up a good point. Out of everything she could have asked Ozpin while still in Mistral, why _hadn't_ she brought up her silver eyes? Oh well, there was no point looking back on it now and questioning what could have been. Right now she had to keep moving forward. Just as they all did.

"I kinda had a bombshell dropped on me this morning," the redhead explained. "My mind isn't really clear right now."

"A bombshell? You certainly didn't seem distracted when we learned about gods and immortal magic wielders. What could possibly have you so distracted now?"

"I'm gonna be an aunt!" Ruby exclaimed, standing up and throwing her arms up in the air. "Wait, Yang's having a kid too! I'm gonna be a double aunt!"

A withered hand came up to stroke the old woman's chin. "An aunt you say," she mused. "Your sister is pregnant?"

"Yes! And Weiss too!"

A sly smirk curled on Maria's lips. "Is that what all that noise was last night? Oh to be young again."

"Maria! That's really not helping!"

"It was that Jaune boy, wasn't it?"

Ruby nodded. He really was the _only_ option. Ren and Nora were a couple, while Oscar had an immortal wizard living inside his head. And while that sounded like a cool plot from a comic book, it didn't exactly help his case in being relationship material.

"I'll tell you one thing," she continued, ignoring Ruby's plea. "If I were fifty years younger I wouldn't mind training with that boy's sword. He may be average in the face, but does he have a body that a girl could ride all-"

The girl had heard enough, and she plugged a pair of fingers into her ears. "I can't hear you," she said loudly as she closed her eyes. "La la la la la. I can't hear- ow!"

Another hit to her head courtesy of Maria's cane forced Ruby's eyes open. Again her hand came up to rub to pain away. At least the old lady had stopped saying such disgusting things about her friend.

"Listen here, Ruby," Maria said with a bit more warmth this time. "It's obvious that you need lessons in a lot more than silver eyes."

Ruby's head tilted slightly. "What do you mean?"

That knowing smile of Maria's showed again. "I may be blind, but I saw the way you and Jaune looked at each other when the two of you reunited the other day. Is there anything going on there?"

Silver eyes widened. "What? No! We're just friends!"

"Just friends," Maria echoed. "The romantic tension between the two of you was thicker than that boy's-"

"Stop!" Ruby interrupted. Her hands came up before her chest in surrender. "Okay, okay. I'll hear you out. Just no more... gross talk. It's really gross coming from..." She trailed off, not wanting to give voice to the words that had been forming on her tongue.

"From what? Someone old?"

Ruby winced. She hadn't wanted to say that, but yes. Someone old.

She shuffled nervously. Her gaze was cast down to the ground in shame. "Um... yeah. Something like that."

To her surprise, however, Maria laughed. Ruby's head snapped up to watch her mentor's face etched with glee. "Oh, sweet girl," she said. "Don't you know that the elderly are almost as horny as teenagers?"

"W-what?"

"It's true. We know our time in this world is nearing its end. There's no room for shyness or embarrassment. We've been around the block a few times. In these golden years you simply have to do what feels good while you still can. And the best part is that because there's no risk of pregnancy, there's no need for condoms either. Though that would explain the epidemic of venereal diseases in retirement homes..."

Ruby's expression soured, and her tongue hung out as her face sat somewhere between a blanch and a gag. She had not needed to hear that little detail. "I don't need that imagery in my head!"

"Yes, yes, you're right," Maria agreed. "This is about you, not me or any other elderly person.

"I really wish this wasn't about me..." the girl muttered.

"So Jaune's your friend? Obviously a good one judging from your reunion."

Good was an understatement. Jaune was in fact the _first_ friend she had made at Beacon Academy. They had met on their very first day. They had been close long before the tension between herself and Weiss had been resolved. They had plenty in common including a love of comic books and video games. In all honesty she would have been perfectly happy with him being her partner from the beginning. Not that she would trade Weiss for anyone in the world at this point, but at the time she had been hoping for either him or Yang.

"He is," Ruby confirmed. "One of my best friends." She looked down, a warm smile spreading on her lips as she recalled the past year. "We travelled to Haven Academy together all the way from Patch. We walked the whole way. Well except for the whole crossing the ocean part. But... yeah. We've been together a long time. Longer than my actual team, in fact."

Maria hummed and nodded in understanding. "There's a lot of trust there then. If he was your travelling companion crossing the wilderness between kingdoms."

"Yeah. I trust him with my life."

The woman motioned Ruby to take a seat next to her, which she readily obliged. "You know, people like us are a rarity in this world."

"People like us? You mean huntsmen?"

"People with silver eyes," she clarified. "We've been hunted down by Salem and her minions. I certainly was. That's how I wound up needing these," she said, tapping her bionic eyes.

Ruby nodded. Her thoughts drifted to her mother. Her mother who had gone out on a mission and never came back. What if it hadn't been a random encounter with the Grimm? Knowing what she knew now, it seemed unlikely that Summer would have been defeated by the creatures of Grimm. They could have been petrified or disintegrated in a bright silvery flash. What if, however, her mother had been deliberately targeted? Killed by Salem for her eyes?

Ruby nodded. "Yeah. I think she might have tried doing that to me too," she added, recalling her encounter with Tyrian.

"So it's never too early to think about continuing the line. To think about the next generation of silver eyed warriors."

Those very silver eyes widened in shock. Ruby turned to stare at Maria, who was dead serious in what she had just said. "W-what?"

"The next generation," she repeated. "Babies. You and that Jaune boy are a perfect match. There's obviously a great deal of trust and care between you two. Your silver eyes combined with his size and strength would produce remarkably gifted warriors. What better man to help you gift the world with more silver eyed warriors?"

Ruby's face turned as red as her cloak. Was Maria seriously suggesting she do... that with Jaune? Her oldest friend? "I- I can't do that!"

Maria turned to her with a frown. "Hmm? Why not? You're both of proper age."

"It's not about age! I'm an adult now!" Ruby shouted. "It's about... it's about us being friends! It would be awkward! It would be weird! It would be... awkweird!"

"And we're in a war struggling for the very survival of humanity," Maria shot back. She held her cane up menacingly at Ruby. "If you think a little awkwardness is more important than ensuring that humans can defeat the Grimm, then perhaps you need a few more whacks to the head."

It was true that more silver eyed warriors would be an incredible weapon in their war against the darkness. But the actual process of creating more of them was something Ruby had never put too much though into.

"Yeah but it's still Jaune!"

"And what better choice than him?" Maria said once more. "You know him. You trust him. He will always be there to look after you. He's a huntsman too, and knows the dangers and lifestyle that comes with the profession." She shook her head sadly, looking off into the distance as she continued. "Maybe if I had someone like him when I was the Grimm Reaper I'd still have my own silver eyes."

The tale of Maria's maiming was still fresh in her mind. Outnumbered four to one, she was defeated by Salem's minions. Only her quick thinking in the end had spared her life.

Her thoughts turned back to Jaune. What Maria said was true. He would always be by her side through thick and thin. He had travelled the world with her. Risked his life with her. If they were to... get together, she would never be alone. She would never die alone in the field.

Like her mother had.

"More importantly you know he doesn't have any sort of disease," Maria continued. "Well, unless your sister or the Schnee girl do, but they both seem like nice young ladies."

"Okay, okay, we're getting off track again," Ruby said hurriedly. "The less I hear about Yang's sex life the better."

"Good, then we'll stay on yours. You have to admit, a girl could do far worse than that big hunk of muscle. It's a rare thing to find a man who's both kind and fit. A nice warm smile as well."

Ruby looked away, her face burning once more. Truth be told she had never much thought of Jaune in that light. And why would she? Things like romance and sex were the last things on her mind. Even if they had been, Jaune was her friend! What if they wound up ruining their friendship as a result of taking things to a new level?

However as Maria had said, Jaune had become undeniably... sexy. Here was a man who stood tall with a broad chest and shoulders. Nora had been right to call him 'Mister Muscles', and her mind drifted to the sight of him holding off the charging Nucklavee single-handedly with only his sword. Looking back on it, that had been _hot._ Seeing him deploy his two-handed modification of Crocea Mors for the first time had been _hot_. She wondered what else got bigger in his hands. He was a strong boy... no, a strong man. One who could easily sweep her off her feet and plant a deep, passionate kiss on her-

"Are you still with me, Ruby?" Maria said, interrupting her fantasy.

"I wasn't thinking about kissing him!"

The woman smiled, a soft chuckle slipping through her lips. "Of course not, dear." Maria stood, leaning on her cane as she began to move toward the door which led into Saphron and Terra's home. "Tell you what. I'm going to go inside and grab something to drink. I'll leave you here alone to continue thinking about not kissing Jaune."

A few seconds later Ruby was left alone with her thoughts. Perhaps it was for the best. Now that Maria had brought up Jaune in this totally new light, she couldn't stop thinking about it. About him.

Jaune was handsome. Strong. Nice. Compassionate. He loved and cared about his family, and would undoubtedly care about his children. A girl could indeed do much, much worse than him. And with her time being consumed with being a huntress, it wasn't like she would have the time or opportunity to date. Maria was correct in Jaune living the same lifestyle as her. He knew the risks. One of them would not simply disappear never to be seen again. They would always have each other's backs.

Ruby continued to blush as she thought about continuing the line of silver eyed warriors. A new generation of them... with her as their mother and Jaune as their father. He was already a good uncle. He would probably be a good father too. Yang and Weiss were going to be having children, and he was going to be their father. If she was going to have her first child, maybe right now would be the best time. The perfect time, in fact!

Ruby thought back to all of her childhood memories with Yang. Her kid should have siblings to grow up with too. Memories of Beacon came next. Wouldn't the most ideal situation be her own child being on the same team as Yang's? As Weiss'? If she had a baby right now, they could all be on the same team if they all decided to go to Beacon! They could all be best friends! And what if Yang had twins? Twins were present in both the Branwen and Arc families, so then they'd have an even four kids to make a four-person huntsman team! How cool would that be! The fact that Ruby was getting excited about that faint possibility spoke volumes to just how into the idea she was getting.

So long as Yang and Weiss would be out of action for most of the next nine months, she might as well do it now too! It only made sense. It was practical and efficient. If they all had kids at the same time, then there would be no wasted time! They could get back on the road while her father looked after them. Tai loved kids! He would surely love being a grandfather!

With teeth sinking down into her lower lip, Ruby nodded to herself. She had preparations to make.

* * *

The bed was unusually cold as Jaune laid in it on this night. And how could it not be? After it had been filled with the warmth of three bodies the night before, it was understandably lonely.

Oh well. Not every night could be that amazing.

Jaune understood that neither Weiss nor Yang were obligated to spend any time with him. It had been nice that they curled up next to him after having sex, but he didn't expect either of them to do it every night. He wondered now that they had gotten what they wanted if they would ever be interested in doing those sorts of things again. After all, they had both kissed him the morning after. Surely there was _something_ there that existed after the heat of the moment had died away, right?

His desires were chased from his mind when he heard a knocking on his door. Did he dare hold out hope that Weiss or Yang had returned for another round?

"It's open," he called out. Jaune sat up straighter in his bed in anticipation of who was about to come through the door.

To his surprise, and mild disappointment, Ruby walked through the door. It wasn't just not getting what he wanted. Things were about to get awkward.

"Hey, Jaune," she greeted shyly.

It was understandable. After what she had witnessed this morning, it was entirely appropriate for Ruby to be nervous around him.

"Hey," he said back apprehensively. He decided it was best to jut nip this in the bud right now. "I'm sorry about this morning," he followed up quickly. "I know it must have been really... weird."

Ruby nodded. "Yeah. It was. But it's okay."

His head snapped up. "It is?"

Her hands came up to play with the hem of tank top. Combined with her white and pink pajama bottoms, she looked ready to sleep. He wondered if she just came here to clear the air between them before going to bed.

"Yeah," she confirmed. "Because... there's more important things going on than stuff like that. We have an important mission."

While Jaune was hard-pressed to think of anything being more important than his first time, and it being a threesome no less, he had to agree in the end. They were on a mission. An important one. A mission to save the world. A mission to exact vengeance and justice on those who killed the people they loved.

"Yeah. We are."

Ruby took a few steps closer, and sat down on the bed next to him. Jaune shifted to accommodate her. "I've never told you about my silver eyes, have I?"

She hadn't. "What about them?"

"Well... they're kinda special. They can kill Grimm really good. Almost like magic. They're how I froze the wyvern at Beacon. And how we survived at Brunswick Farm."

Ruby went into more detail about them, how people like herself and Maria had been hunted down by Salem in order to eliminate the threat. How Ruby's own mother had likely been killed too. It was a powerful and emotional tale.

"So yeah..." she continued. "I have them. My mother had them. My kids will have them."

If they were as strong as she claimed, then it was definitely a good thing the trait was genetic. They needed all the silver eyed warriors they could get. "Someday you'll do the world a lot of good then," he smiled.

She nodded. "Yeah, someday." Jaune jumped as he felt Ruby's hand come over his own. Their eyes locked, and there was a familiar warmth in those silver orbs. "I need to continue the line of silver eyed warriors, Jaune" she spoke softly.

The way she spoke his name sent shivers down his spine. "Ruby, what-"

He never got a chance to finish before Ruby closed the last few inches between them and pressed her lips against his. Much like the night before, he felt the sweet, soft lips of a girl. Like before, he felt a hand wrap around his torso to bring them together. When they separated he continued to stare at her wide-eyed. This was all too familiar.

"And... I can think of no one I'd rather continue it with than you."

His lips parted numerous times before he was finally able to utter a word. "Ruby... you're serious?"

She nodded. "Yep."

"I was just... with your sister and Weiss last night. You're okay with this?"

Her face seemed to darken at the mention of the other two girls. "Why have those two when you've got the total package right here?" Before Jaune could answer, a pair of hands grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him down flat onto his back. Ruby climbed atop him, her palms pressed to his chest and her legs straddling his hips. "Yang may have great boobs and Weiss may have a nice butt, but I have both! I have the Ruboobies and the Rubooty! I've done a whole lot of growing in the past two years!"

Jaune had to absolutely agree with that assessment. Ruby was a grown woman now, a far cry from the girl she had been back when they first met at Beacon. As if he needed any more proof, the position she held over him made it abundantly clear that she had 'grown' in certain areas. Especially because she was wearing that same sleeping tank top she had worn back in Beacon. It was a lot tighter on her now. It was literally staring him in the face.

"Y-yeah," he agreed breathlessly.

"I mean, I've seen them both naked back at Beacon. They're nothing special!"

To Ruby, perhaps not. To a guy, Jaune would be inclined to strongly disagree. The images of Yang and Weiss' bodies would be forever burned into his memory.

"I'm not a kid anymore," she went on. "I'm a grown woman who can make her own decisions. And if that includes... doing adult stuff, then so be it!"

He would never have considered her a kid before. Now as she sat atop him, those memories of her went entirely out the window. Ruby Rose had grown into a beautiful and voluptuous young woman. One who earned all of the right kinds of reactions from him. The kinds of reactions she undoubtedly wanted.

"Besides, you and me are way closer than you are with either of them!," she continued. "I bet the two of us would be ten times as good together!"

Ruby certainly was getting competitive. Was she jealous? Or did she simply want to prove that she was indeed no longer a kid? In any case, it turned out that red certainly was the color of passion.

"So!" she stated pointedly. "If they can have kids, if they're pretty enough to make you... you..." she tried saying as her face began to redden. "Squirt your baby making juice, then so am I!"

Judging by his body's reaction, Ruby would be _more_ than enough to make him... squirt again.

"You want a baby," he asked. "My baby."

She nodded. "Mmhmm."

As it turned out, Yang and Weiss were not the only two who had caught baby fever here in Argus. Ruby was burning up with it as well. Only for her she seemed to have a practical reason for wanting a child.

"So, Jaune. Old buddy of mine. I want you to put a silver eyed baby in me! Got it?"

When she asked so directly, when she knew exactly what she wanted, and when he had done that very thing with two other girls the night before, how could he say no?

For the greater good of Remnant, he had to knock Ruby up.

* * *

Ruby's head rested against Jaune's chest. The poor boy was out cold. Good. When he came to, she would need to ask if either Weiss or Yang had been able to do the same.

For all his strength and Aura, she had pushed him to the limit. She hoped that everyone else in the house had heard as well. Ruby didn't know what had gotten into her, but the desire to outdo both her sister and Weiss had made her go all out. She hadn't been the only one to cry out in pleasure and bliss tonight. She made Jaune scream her name over and over again in order to let everyone know that she was indeed a prodigy. She was indeed the best. She may have been two years younger than the other girls, but she was still able to hang with them.

A hand came up to brush Jaune's blond locks out of his sweaty forehead. She leaned up in order to look down upon him, and smiled serenely. "Vomit boy," she whispered happily.

Placing a gentle kiss on his brow, Ruby snuggled up close to him again. Nine months from now would be a very interesting time for her friends and family. But someone had to continue the silver eyed line. That someone turned out to be her.

She wouldn't be alone though. She had a large extended family that would be able to help and provide for her child. All of their children.

Love would indeed conquer Salem. Just not in a way that any of them had ever thought of before.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I never thought I'd touch this story again. But when inspiration strikes, no matter how stupid it is, you have to answer!

The idea of continuing the silver eyed warrior line and Maria being a dirty old woman was too good to pass up. And of course I love writing Ruby, she's probably my favorite character to do.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed another edition of stupid, ridiculous crack. It was fun to write.

As always, thanks for reading.


End file.
